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  • Writer's pictureJesse Chance

Choosing Your Maid of Honour or Best Man: A Guide to Selecting the Perfect Wedding Attendant

Choosing your maid of honour or best man is a crucial decision when planning your wedding. These special individuals play a significant role in supporting and assisting you throughout your wedding journey. From organising the bridal shower or stag party to offering emotional support, their presence is invaluable. This article will guide you through the process of selecting the perfect maid of honour or best man for your big day. We'll explore the responsibilities, qualities to consider, and provide helpful tips to make this important decision.

Choosing Your Maid of Honour or Best Man: The Selection Process

When it comes to selecting your maid of honour or best man, it's essential to consider various factors to ensure you make the right choice. Let's delve into each aspect in detail.

Understanding the Role of the Maid of Honour and Best Man

Before making your decision, it's vital to understand the roles and responsibilities that the maid of honour and best man traditionally fulfils. The maid of honour, also known as the matron of honour if married, is typically the bride's closest female friend or family member. The best man, on the other hand, is the groom's closest male friend or family member. They both act as the couple's chief support system, ensuring everything runs smoothly leading up to and on the wedding day.

Assessing the Relationship Dynamics

Consider your relationship dynamics with potential candidates. Reflect on the depth of your connection, the history you share, and the level of trust and understanding between you. These factors will contribute to a harmonious and supportive wedding experience.

Discussing Expectations and Responsibilities

Openly communicate your expectations and discuss the specific responsibilities that come with the roles of the maid of honour and best man. This discussion will help you gauge the willingness and capability of your potential candidates to fulfils these duties effectively.

Considering Availability and Reliability

Evaluate the availability and reliability of your prospective maid of honour or best man. Ensure they have the time and commitment necessary to dedicate themselves to their role leading up to and during the wedding. Reliability is crucial, as you'll rely on them for important tasks and emotional support.

Evaluating Organisational Skills

Organisational skills are vital for a successful wedding experience. Assess your potential candidates' ability to manage and coordinate various aspects, such as organising pre-wedding events, coordinating with vendors, and ensuring timelines are met.

Gauging Emotional Support

Your maid of honour or best man should be someone who can provide unwavering emotional support throughout the wedding journey. Consider individuals who have consistently been there for you during significant life events or challenging times.

Reviewing Financial Considerations

Weddings can be costly affairs, and your chosen attendants will likely have financial obligations. It's crucial to have an open and honest discussion about potential expenses to ensure your maid of honour or best man is comfortable with their financial responsibilities.

Exploring Trust and Confidentiality

Trust is paramount when sharing personal details and entrusting someone with the responsibilities of the maid of honour or best man. Choose individuals who have proven their trustworthiness and respect for your privacy.

Assessing Problem-Solving Abilities

Wedding planning often comes with unexpected challenges. Your maid of honour or best man should possess strong problem-solving abilities and be able to handle stressful situations with ease.

Looking for Flexibility and Adaptability

Flexibility and adaptability are key qualities to consider in your potential candidates. Weddings can be unpredictable, and having someone who can adjust to last-minute changes and unexpected circumstances will be invaluable.

Analysing Communication Skills

Effective communication is vital for coordinating various aspects of the wedding. Your maid of honour or best man should be an excellent communicator, able to convey your preferences and requests to vendors and other members of the wedding party.

Considering Personal Preferences

Consider your personal preferences when choosing your maid of honour or best man. Think about the type of support and assistance you desire, whether it's someone who can take charge or someone who offers a calming presence.

Seeking Input from Your Partner

Involve your partner in the decision-making process. Discuss your thoughts and preferences together, as your chosen attendants will play a role in both of your lives leading up to the wedding.

Ensuring Compatibility with Wedding Theme

If you have a specific wedding theme or aesthetic in mind, ensure your maid of honour or best man's style and personality align with it. They will be an essential part of the overall visual and experiential elements of your wedding.

Researching Potential Candidates

Compile a list of potential candidates based on the considerations discussed above. Research their backgrounds, experiences, and previous involvement in weddings to gain a deeper understanding of their suitability.

Narrowing Down the Selection

Gradually narrow down your list of potential candidates to a few strong contenders. Consider their compatibility with your preferences, their availability, and their ability to fulfil the role with enthusiasm and commitment.

Consulting with Close Friends and Family

Reach out to close friends and family members who know the potential candidates well. Gather their perspectives and insights, as they may offer valuable observations that can assist in your decision-making process.

Making the Final Decision

After careful consideration and weighing all the factors, make your final decision. Trust your instincts and choose the individual who feels like the best fit for your wedding day.

Announcing the Chosen Maid of Honour or Best Man

Once you've made your decision, announce your choice to the selected individual in a thoughtful and heartfelt manner. Express your gratitude for their presence and support, and emphasise the importance of their role in your wedding.

Supporting the Unselected Candidates

For those who were not chosen as the maid of honour or best man, it's essential to provide support and understanding. Acknowledge their significance in your life and express your gratitude for their friendship.

Delegating Additional Wedding Roles

Consider delegating specific roles or responsibilities to other close friends or family members who were not selected as the maid of honour or best man. This gesture allows them to contribute to your special day and still feel involved.

Honouring Loved Ones in Other Ways

If you have close friends or family members who were not chosen but are still important to you, find other meaningful ways to honour them during your wedding. This could include special readings, toasts, or being part of the wedding party in different roles.


  1. How do I choose between multiple close friends for the maid of honour or best man role?

    • Assess the unique qualities and strengths of each candidate.

    • Consider who would provide the best support and align with your vision for the wedding.

    • Reflect on the depth of your relationship and the trust you have in each person.

  1. Should I choose family members as my maid of honour or best man?

    • Family members can make excellent choices, especially if they are close to you and understand your preferences.

    • Consider their availability, willingness to take on the responsibilities, and how well they align with your vision for the role.

  1. What if my maid of honour or best man lives far away?

    • Distance shouldn't necessarily disqualify someone from the role.

    • Discuss expectations and responsibilities upfront, considering their availability for important events and communication methods.

  1. Can I have both a maid of honour and a matron of honour?

    • Having both a maid of honour and a matron of honour is entirely acceptable.

    • It can be a great way to honor multiple important women in your life.

  1. What if my potential maid of honour or best man is already busy with other commitments?

    • Discuss their availability and level of commitment openly.

    • If they genuinely want to support you, they may be willing to rearrange their schedule or offer alternative solutions.

  1. Is it necessary to have a best man for my wedding?

    • While having a best man is traditional, it's not mandatory.

    • You can choose to have a maid of honour only or opt for a different arrangement that suits your preferences.


Choosing your maid of honour or best man is a significant decision that requires careful consideration. By assessing various factors such as relationship dynamics, availability, and personal preferences, you can select the perfect individual to support and assist you throughout your wedding journey. Remember, this is an opportunity to honour someone special in your life and create lasting memories together. With our comprehensive guide, you're now equipped to make an informed decision and enjoy a seamless and memorable wedding experience.

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